Another trip around the sun, and I am now 45 years old. I am super grateful to be in this magical space where I do not feel old, yet I have a wealth of experience, knowledge and lessons which give me an incredible confidence in my life informing and driving my relationships, boundaries, decision making and desires.
This all ends
We all know this – no one is getting out of here alive right? But day to day we deliberately ignore this fact, it’s easy to get swept up on our busy lives, and it’s way too challenging to think that we and the people we love will one day say goodbye forever. I feel like I’ve lived with awareness and a sense that we have to make the most of the time we have, but this year I was absolutely smashed by this lesson. I lost my beloved stepdad quite suddenly. He had been unwell but all medical advice/info and our understanding was that he had much more time, that we had much more time. This man, who came into my life 20 years ago, was the first to show me unconditional love (that’s an entire blog post in itself…), and was the most loved and incredible human. His sudden death was devastating to me, my children, my Mum and family and his entire circle, and I think anyone who loses a parent has a total shift in their universe and it feels to me that the world will never quite be the same or feel as ‘safe’. He would be the first to tell me to get on with living an amazing life, and I absolutely will!
I am capable of far more than I think
I’ve been guilty in the past of not finishing things, not having confidence in my abilities or opinions, and being ruled by my limiting beliefs. My mindset has shifted over the past years, but this year I absolutely smashed some personal goals, proving (to myself) that I am way more capable of anything I put my mind to. One of these goals was completing my studies in Counselling and setting up my private practice. I’d given myself a deadline of seeing my first client before my 45th birthday, and with a lot of late nights, tapping out of social events, and working incredibly hard for the year, I blew my goal out of the water. I am super proud of this achievement, and it is so good to have another example of my capabilities to draw on when my confidence needs a boost!
Imperfect action is where it’s at
As a recovering perfectionist, Virgo & first born, I’ve always been all or nothing, fixated on inflexible, exact, detailed plans, spreadsheets, and lists. This way of living has never worked well for me, I felt like I was always putting so much energy into setting goals and fighting to ever get anything done, and when I didn’t it chipped away at any shred of confidence I had and sapped my self-belief. Only taking action when I knew the exact pathway, and not considering or allowing any changes to ‘the plan’ left me paralysed into inaction. What I have learnt, particularly in the past year, is that any action is better than none. That a step forward in the direction of my goal or dream is the only way to success, and that flexibility and the evolution of the pathway, and even sometimes of the final goal is often actually better than a fixed idea. For me, taking daily imperfect action is now the key to learning about myself and the world, increasing my confidence and self-belief and simply just getting things done.
Everyone is making it up as they go along
I think this realisation comes to everyone with age and experience – the best kept secret from the young. Everyone, and I mean everyone, is making it up as they go along. What I know now is that no one has all the answers, and everyone suffers from imposter syndrome, questions their abilities and whether they deserve everything they desire. This knowledge gives me confidence that I can do anything I want to do, and that no one is ‘better’ or more deserving of success than me. It also gives me permission and encouragement to fail or make mistakes, which I quickly move on from.
Focusing on my physical health is increasingly important
Over the years I have noticed only slight changes as I have gotten older. Like many others, I have a couple of specific health issues which I have learnt to manage, and for a number of years have felt physically well and like my health is under control. Over the last year I have had a few physical changes (hello perimenopause!), and some areas have noticeably declined (like my eyesight and eye health), and it’s been a bit of a shock to realise I am suddenly feeling some effects of aging. Along with the loss of my stepdad, other friends and family have had some significant health challenges, and for me this is all a reminder and a big red flag that I must prioritise my physical health. I feel like effort and energy in this space now will determine my physical outcomes for the last half of my life, which is just so important.
So they are my takeaways and learnings from my past year on earth. I love regularly pausing to reflect and think about the lessons I’ve learnt and the ways I have evolved, and my birthday is the perfect time to do this. It’s now time for me to set some big, audacious goals for this next year – as I know now, absolutely anything is possible!
